The questioning within oneself.

So I got my part time job settled with my former employer (pre mat leave) with better hours for my new family and I go back in July. I decided it was best for my family to make sure I still had a regular pay cheque coming in, and I think it will be good for me to interact with adults. I still fell this overwhelming weight on my shoulders to really  do something with my education that my son will be proud of. I fell if I don't do something that also makes more money to give Mateo everything he could want, I will not be the best mom. Everyday as I wait for answers about Queries (writing proposals), I grow a little more depressed and question my abilities and choices. Did I make the wrong choice living in the country and not trying to live in the city and start my career before getting married and having a child? Now will Mateo suffer for my choices? Are my ideas and abilities good enough to be the entrepreneur I want to be? Should I just buck up and get a full time job in something I may not like but for the money?
Now no matter how much loved ones tell you the opposite to all the negative you fill your head with, it is hard to see the good. Especially when you are poring yourself into everything you do without seeing results yet or knowing if anything will pay off.
After today's entry I guess my friends will know, that I have always battled with  trying to not let depression be a part of my day, especially at stressful times. Today I just had to write this entry because while I am trying to really make a go at my entrepreneurial endeavors I get really down waiting and so I think a lot of mom entrepreneurs may have the same thing happen or even moms in general think with every choice they make, is it the right one? I will continue to fight the inner thoughts of negativity by knowing I only want the best for Mateo, so my choices will be the right ones for our family in the long run, even if I can't see it right now.